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1.
I don't want to wake up if it means I have to stay again. I want to sail over the mountain and drive through the sea in the end. Watch me disintegrate. I guess I'm always late. I'll never listen to myself. I don't want to wake up if it means I have to see my face again. I want to sit on the rooftops. I want to know what it feels like to begin. I would paralyze myself if it meant I could choose the view that I would witness for the rest of my days.
2.
I could sift through the remnants of confusing endeavours or I could tear myself down and swear it gets better. It's taunting how I'm weighed down. Don't speak, don't make a sound. cast light on the truth that once was disregarded. I was blind and thought that it stopped when it had only started. It's complete reversal of expectations; from stagnant to immediate elation. I surrender myself to everything I never believed. This room will never leave me, cause it's kept inside my head. It isn't just a room; its a place where I wish I were dead.
3.
last night, I woke up with cold sweats again. moved my body from my bed to the living room floor and prayed a little a more. for you. that nothing would get much worse. all the nurses reassure. that everything will be just fine. I hope they're right. and it feels like I'm waving at you from the shoreline as you're returning home to me. you look at me with an honest smile, the kind of smile I've only seen my grandmother give me but the boat begins to capsize and I watch you sink. I can't control what is happening. I see your hands reach out of the water and disappear. I can only imagine the desperation sprinting through your head as you struggle to come up for air and fill your lungs with what could be your last breaths. the current grabs at your feet with stiff hands and drags you under. I can't control what is happening. I will never let you go. I will never let this go I fear for the rest of my life that you won't come home the same. I fear for the rest of my life that you won't come home.
4.
hold still I dare you and watch me leave, continue to breathe. lie awake at night and wonder if I felt a thing before you dropped me. the light bled through into an empty room. I'd lie if I said I didn't think of you when I left like you wanted me to. I'd lie if I had to, I'd lie for you I lie awake at night and wonder if you felt a thing before I dropped you I'd lie if I had to, I'd lie for you I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you but I hope that you'd miss me too.

credits

released September 22, 2017

Corbin's side:
engineering/mixing/mastering: Vince Soliveri

Dorian's side:
engineering/mixing/mastering: Mark Troyer at Evergreen Sound

artwork: Loren Cowan

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year over year British Columbia

summer of the dog

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