.​.​.​I've Accepted the Things I Can't Change

by year over year

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05:26

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year over year is dorian pintaric

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released June 2, 2015

Written and performed by Dorian Pintaric

Recorded/Mixed/Mastered by Mark Troyer at Evergreen Sound in Calgary, AB

Artwork by Brandynn Pope

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about

year over year Calgary, Alberta

I'm Dorian and this is year over year.
sad acoustic music from my basement.

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Track Name: Belmont Blue//Rooftop Red
i'm hanging all these cigarettes belmont blue,
from the ceiling fan in my living room,
like the hue in your eyes or the bruises that you left,
under my skin your the same as every kid,
as soon as the lights go dim.

leave me alone,
you disappear like the smoke on my clothes
you're just another name that cuts to the bone,
every saturday you're there, and I hope you like the smell of his hair,
as much as he likes yours.

i'm hanging all these cigarettes rooftop red,
from the curve in my lip it seeps in to the ceiling of my lungs,
and leaves that taste on my breath I know you hate,
we're all the same under my skin, as soon as the lights go dim.

i can't hold smoke in my lungs like you do, but i can hold on love in my heart, better than you. my hands can't hold onto anything, without it falling apart. i can't forget his name, its the only thing i think of everyday.
i hope sunday morning you wake, filled with alcohol and shame.
Track Name: 2450 16th Ave
all i am, is a pillow filled with sand on your concrete floor
or a flower nailed to your bedroom door.

reminding me, I am never happy where I am.

all i am, is a pillow in the sand on your beachfront shore
or a wedding dress at your favourite funeral store

my hands are shaking from trying to forget, i sleep alone in a cold and vacant bed, my head is an empty balloon attached to my neck, my stomachs filled with butterflies from trying to forget, they fall out of my head, taking teeth and saliva out with them.
Track Name: The Only Thing as Empty as You is Your Bottle
you sowed seeds inside of my head,
they turned into beautiful flowers and then died,
as soon as you left,
but I'll keep on watering them

i know i've never been so low

and my pen pals won't believe
what you did to me
and i'll be back here
in the summer of the year

the smell of your hair
the sweat on his clothes
while your out drinking i've never been so alone

i know my heart was a couch for you to sleep on
and wake up in the morning like nothing ever happened
and do the same next weekend while life keeps repeating
watch the seasons change, while you stay the same
and life will repeat,
but i won't let you do that to me.
Track Name: Going Away Party
you found alcohol
and a list full of reasons why i am so awful
but you that i never felt so fucking small
i've learned to work with what i've got and crawl
back to what i thought i was

the trees shed their leaves
in front of what used to be
a home, but now that i'm alone
i've never felt so cold or uncomfortable

you found friends
the kind that you know are only looking for sex
on the weekends
and they take cheap pictures with disposable cameras
that will be replaced sooner then us.

the spark we made turned into a fire
and it burned down everything and left me as a liar
and now i'm left with this map full of holes
i've never felt so alone
and a list full of fake friends that you will never see again
will quickly show you what i mean by "it's not me, its them"
i've lost hope
in learning how to cope.
Track Name: Vancouver
i cut my hair
and i shaved my beard
you told me theres nothing left for you here
you teared up and choked
said "i love you, but i'm leaving to the west coast"

the snow kept falling into may
all i wanted was to keep you safe
what a brilliant display of hate
when i love you but you don't feel the same way

i cut my loses
and you cut your ties
but i can tell where you struggled to keep this alive
and tying the rope together
won't make it hold any better

the weather let me down this summer
when you ran back to him, to a love of another
and i just wanted to be
the one that you called when you thought of home
when you thought of high school
and looked back through your yearbook
and beside the picture of me it reads
"i loved this, but theres nothing left for you in this city"

and your eyes are so comforting but the heaviness of your words passes down your throat like smoke through a screen door and weighs you down like i never could. the bruises on your knees say more then the shallow breaths and shallow words you speak. i wish your brain was farther from your mouth so you could mean the words you breathe. and honestly i'm nothing maybe i was made to be torn apart I'm not ready for a new start. dear god the mistakes i've made have been evened by karma, my hands are always shaking i'm trying so hard to keep them steady, i'm concentrating too much, breathing through tired lungs, i'm shivering so much my grave must be a dance floor is that what you wished for? the shallow waters crash inside your head leaving your eyes the bluest they've ever been, you coexist as i wash away and become irrelevant. the rosary beads you gave me are slowly fading i can't eat, i can't sleep, i can't dream of anything besides you i wake up everyday on a damaged sofa in an empty living room, i don't want to call home again to a house where no ones answering but i'm so homesick, i'm so nervous i'll write my deathwish in your favourite lipstick. is this sinking in yet? i'd like to think the emptiness won't last more then a weekend, but theres nothing i can say and theres nothing you could do to stop me from crying over you.

i wish i felt the same way
but i've accepted the things i can't change